Welcome to Subway Stack
Here is the most boring blog in the entire world by the most irrelevant person in the world.
Welcome to Subway Stack
When I was a child, I lived a stone's throw away from a Subway (assuming the stone is shot from a cannon.) Some of my earliest memories include the characteristic Subway smell, the tang of a stray pepperoncino, and the taste of iceberg lettuce wilting into that toasted Italian. You could even say I’d experienced it all, the highs and the lows of the subway sandwich. If you could dream up a combination I might have tried, I could confidently say that I tried. In the way our brain only seems to preserve some of the worst memories, let me present to you the “Sour Patch Kid.”
Imagine a sourdough Italian, lightly toasted, with layers of pickles, onions, pepperoncino and every astringent vinagrette you could imagine… bathed in mustard. And that my friends was the “Sour Patch Kid”, a small mistake compared to Elon Musk’s 4.4 billion dollar Twitter acquisition.
Because I’d tried it all, it’s natural to think that I am a Subway expert who knows the ins and outs of this mediocre fast sandwich chain. Whenever I bring up my Subway origin story, my friends chime in, “So KDad, you would know. What is the best Subway order?”
My friends.
I am not qualified to answer this.
Since my parents did not cook and I’d eaten so much at Subway, I’d grown sick of it all. By the time I reached the age I was finally allowed to have friends, I was already bored to tears with the food at Subway, including the cookies and Fuse beverages. A bite of a generic Subway sandwich was like stepping into a monochromatic world, where I was stuck in an endless cycle of chewing until it was gone.
In a desperate attempt to resuscitate my tastebuds, I started craving only the strangest Subway sandwiches. The kind where people in line was like, “What is this absolute madman doing!? This fool!? You’re going to get us all killed.”
Before I knew it, my favorite Subway sandwich was a hell of my own creation:
Toasted Italian bread
Slices of provolone cheese, hopefully melted on top of the Italian bread
Sweet onion chicken teriyaki as the protein (and I must add, this is the kind of teriyaki you wouldn’t dare call teriyaki)
Slices of tomato. I broke up with iceberg lettuce on my Subway sandwich in the seventh grade.
If I was feeling luxurious that day, slices of avocado
And then, sweet onion dressing.
I remember standing in line with my friends Omar, Aidan, and Haley, and they gawked at my bizarre sandwich before Haley nodded a few times and said, “That’s cool dude, you do you” which was very nice of them. I ate my sandwich in silence, Omar wanting to say something while Aidan simply shrugged it off.
See, if I hadn’t been to Subway so much, I would have stuck to the menu items. Those were lab-tested, consumer-proven winners of sandwiches and yet, I had eaten them so much that they lost their meaning. Instead, in an attempt to feel something again, I walked over to the dark side of Subway sandwich choices and forged my own daring path, creating what can only be known as… the Sadwich.
Anyways, my attention is failing me now. Thank you so much for reading Subway Stack and perhaps next time I will share my opinions on water. Just a preview, I do NOT like Evian or Fiji. I REGRETTABLY like SmartWater. I detest Arrowhead, and Kirkland Signature at Costco will forever be my baby.
May your days be merry and bright,
KDad